The point on my current life, part 1; small b : "Childhood".

Yosh admirers of my beautiful life.

How are you doing ?

In this post, we continue to talk about my childhood.

The way I'm going to write is really disjointed like : "Orphanage".

I'm going to write by anecdote with great titles.

Let's start :

Ashamed of his past :

There was a shameful moment when I was little, I told my sister CAD that she was fat out of jealousy, there it is, I said it, but I stopped as soon as her girlfriends helped her. There, I disclosed it, let's move on.

The phobia of many children (and still some adults) :

The fear of the dark is the most popular after the fear of spiders. I had it, and I would run into my parents' room to sleep with them. After a while, my mother got mad and didn't want me to go to them when I was afraid. I hated them at that time, she preferred to stay alone with her husband and let her daughter terrorize in her room (I used to share my room with CAD, but now we also share it with Myriam and AÏ). My father, who paid for the electricity, said that the light was always left on for me.

As I am not afraid of the dark anymore, we always leave the light on for my little sister AÏ, I even offered her a night light (even if it's useless as she goes to her parents' room).

Classes :

I didn't take any classes, being a shy person before, the teachers forgot about me and/or ignored me in class, only dealing with the rowdy kids. So I wasn't focused at all. I was more in my imagination than anything else. For example, I imagined being friends with my favorite cartoon characters. "Totally spies", "Pichi Pichi Pitch: The Mermaid Melody", "Code lyoko", "Chocolate and Vanilla", "black butler", "The Pirate Family", "Kilari (my favorite song is "My Star")", "The winx", "The ratz" ... I was even trying to think of another choice the character could have made to avoid a disturbing situation.

In short, I was being ignored, so I ignored back. The only time I was focused was when we had to read a book. We had a book club, but the books were too predictable (children's books) so I would always guess the ending and everyone would ask me how I did it, easy, everything is predictable in a children's book. Like everyone (teacher, parents (who helped me very little with my homework) and me) I had bad grades. As usual, my parents started comparing me with CAD again and calling me incompetent.

I also started to create a story with my colored pens:Red, was a brave and outgoing girl, Blue, was a quiet and sweet girl, but turned into the dark side, Green, was a nice boy, but a bit of a jerk, and Black, was introverted, strong and quiet. They were a group of friends who saved humanity with their powers.

Red = Fire.

Blue = Water.

Black = Earth.

Green = Air.

I continued to create stories for them throughout my elementary years.

Speech Language Pathologist :

I had articulation problems (I still have some) and my parents sent me to a speech therapist. Before that, he had an Accompagnant des Élèves en Situation de Handicap (AESH), who was there for me and another student, they all thought my shyness was actually some kind of autism, but, seeing me not being very open to communication, the AESH ended up ignoring me saying I was just shy and taking care of the other kid.

Back to the speech therapist, she was with me for at least 3 years, I think. She was more than a speech therapist to me, she was also a caregiver, psychologist and mother. I was really disappointed when she said it was time for me to stand on my own two feet.

With her, I discovered Russian dolls, the metronome, the joy of drawing and more. After 3 years or more, she gave me my file which was well filled (with my drawings, my thoughts, the exercises we did, etc).

I wanted to keep it at all costs, but the next morning I saw this folder in our trash can, thrown away by my mother. I hate her, the speech therapist is much better as a mother, and she, the next morning, throws away my 3 years spent with her. I stood in front of the garbage can for 3 minutes insulting my mother, same for the rest of the day. I can't even remember what my speech therapist looked like.

Girls/boys fight :

We used to get in each other's faces a lot with the boys and girls, why? I don't know.

I liked fighting, it was nice to release all the tension, I realized that it's better to fight the boys.

If we hit them, they hit us back, if we hit a girl, she'll just tell the teachers.

Anything goes, a shot with a compass, a kick, a point, in short, anything was allowed.

I was one of the three best girls, the one who managed to fight long enough to knock out several boys.

What did the supervisors do? Well, not their job, they would put them in the middle of the playground (those who didn't want to fight would put themselves near the wall) and help with their homework. The only time I hated the boys was when they put a rock in the eye of my favorite supervisor, Madame Sardine. She was watching us after lunch with another lady. She is much better now and I met her again last year. They didn't take responsibility for what they did and try to put the blame on others. Poor thing, she was bent over in pain.

Love what was once reserved for boys :

I had conversations with the girls and the boys. The girls: through group work and beating up the boys.

And the boys: by fighting them and asking them for favors.

Often, the boys would step aside to play with their Pokémon cards and Beyblade spinning tops. I wanted to participate with them, having watched all their games.

But my mom said no, because that was for boys. Same with the fake guns and jogging suits.

Now I usually wear joggers and sweatshirts, people usually ask if it's because I'm fat and was trying to hide, but this is wrong. I wear this as it is my style of clothing that I had for a long time, but I couldn't show it when my mother chose for me.

Same, conversely, for example, my cousin M.S was the first boy (before being joined much later) in the family (as a child).

When he wanted to play with us, my cousin DNY and AM didn't want to, they said he was a boy so he was wild and couldn't play with us.

At that age I thought it was unfair, he just wanted to have fun, except I wasn't helping him at that time. I was just thinking about him and not doing anything.

With that plus the harassment he suffered from AM (she tried to humiliate everyone, especially his little brother, she stopped when M.S became bigger and stronger than her), it's not surprising to see M.S being rather lonely in our family. He prefers to play with the kids.

He is also asked why he is so distant 🙃.

Dentist :

To make a long story short, being a neglected child, I didn't brush my teeth well, I went to see a dentist and he was only telling me that I stank (yes, at my young age), asking me if I was listening to what he was saying (humiliation). My mom was there, she didn't say anything to him, but when we got home she said it was my fault and that the family was humiliated by me.

I'm not going to talk about how I felt as a little girl being humiliated by an adult, the lack of support from her mother, and the incessant blaming she endured. I just ended up being addicted to gum (now that addiction is gone).

I don't like to go there now, I'd rather my teeth die than be treated by those people.

Thank you for reading everything, have a good and pleasant day, I salute you, me, Queen of the Beggars, Rougui Coulibaly 🤗 see you soon for point c: "The point on my current life, part 1; small c: "Childhood"", in the category: "blog on my life".